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The Literary Mausoleum

Something was in my apartment…ghost? Creature?

I woke up in the night with an urge to pee.  It was somewhere in the middle of the early morning as the birds weren’t chirping yet and the sun had yet the even think of rising.  It was pitch black in the apartment.  I live with my fiancee in a 2-floor condo so the bedroom is on the second floor above the living room.  The living room and kitchen are combined without dividing walls so the entire lower floor is just a big open room.  Upstairs there’s 3 bedrooms and a bathroom.

So I lay in bed weighing the options of getting up to pee or just going back to sleep and waking up with the stinging emergency urge.  Some people might think that’s a bit silly to wait and have such pain later - I mean why not just get up and pee?  The bathroom is right across the hall!  Well I have a difficult time going back to sleep once I stand up.  If I get up and pee (I’m a guy) it might take me an hour or so to go back to sleep, in which case I’d be asleep just in time for my alarm to wake me up.  The bedroom doors are slatted wood with the immobile venetian blind look on the top and solid wood at the bottom.  The door was closed.  Now it gets weird.

I heard this shuffling noise outside the door.  It sounded like a dog’s nails on asphalt with that ‘scritch, scritch, scritch’ noise accompanied by what sounded like rough fur/hair on our wood floors.  And it was going to town!  I mean I could hear it running up and down the stairs and up and down the halls.  Not like a run but at a quick trot.  In my head I imagined a woodchuck, raccoon, or skunk in the apartment - that’s the size it sounded like.  I was just thinking well how did an animal get inside the house?  I locked the front door and we hadn’t opened the screen door to the patio.

If it was an animal I was going to get up and make sure it didn’t destroy anything but as soon as I thought that the noises stopped on the other side of the bedroom door.  Then whatever it was started lightly scratching at the door.  I’ve had 2 dogs and 4 cats in my time and I know the sound of animal scratching.  This was animal scratching.  At that point I just said ‘fuck it’ and decided not to get out of bed.  The scratching stopped after a few minutes and I heard it trundle off down the hall and into complete silence.  After a half hour of worrying I finally fell back asleep.

In the morning I got ready for work and checked around the apartment for signs of any animals.  There was nothing.  Nothing was moved, destroyed, or trampled.  The doors were all closed and locked.  Finally on my way out the door I checked around the house, just checking the doors and shingles for any indication of scratching.  There was nothing on either of the doors or the sides of the house.

So what was in my house?

REBLOG IF IT IS OKAY TO COME INTO YOUR INBOX AND SAY THE RANDOMEST SHIT I CAN THINK OF BECAUSE I REALLY WANT TO INTERACT WITH YOU.

(via princess-tatertot)

nowyoukno:

Source for more facts follow NowYouKno

(Source: bewareofmpreg, via skypestripper)

spliffsmode:

Relationship goals

(Source: robertdeniro, via hornyy-blogger)

hotboysofficial:

when questions contains the answers to a different problem on a test 

image

(Source: hotboysofficial, via hornyy-blogger)

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

weareallmedie:

scumfolk:

The liquor one killed me

the con artist was the one that got me. I wish I could’ve seen the look on the vet’s face when they figured it out.

The one who hides potatoes around his home is making me giggle so much

Like

DOG

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS THING

(Source: vicious-seamonkey)

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

leo-arcana:

snoopdad:

"you still there, bruh?"

"yeah, i’m still here."

fun fact: that’s actually why otters hold hands/paws while sleeping

The animal kingdom is TOO ADORABLE <3

(Source: sillyenfp)

(Source: humorstop, via arcticmaple)

pxppunkprincess:

I was waving my hand above him and i cannot stop laughing

(via arcticmaple)

aceofstars:

rayvenloaf:

OMFG this is brilliant

I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING AT THIS FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES STRAIGHT OH MY GODD

(Source: zubbyzub, via ohroseweasley)

I warn you, Mr. Attinger of Earth. An alliance is a contract, and contracts, like humans, expire.

(Source: decepticxn, via minibots-official)

nowyoukno:

Source for more facts follow NowYouKno

Nero also had the worst neck beard ever…